Humor

When I heard that the Panhandle had a "snow warning", it makes you think what is going on - they say global warming, but it is more like global cooling. We live in Weeki Wachee, Hernando County, Florida and it is cold this morning.

My husband had plans to go to Daytona 500 with a friend from Long Island (that's where we were from). Of course, there was a snowstorm in Long Island and his flight was cancelled, but as they say "persistence pays off". He planted himself at Long Island McArthur Airport yesterday at noon and put himself on four stand-by flights to anywhere in Florida. His wife called me and said how far are you from Fort Meyers? I said about four hours; she said Ed doesn't care, if he gets on a flight, he'll rent a car. He was suppose to come into Tampa. Guess what? He got on the flight to Ft. Meyers, rented a car and got to our house at midnight last night. Then we get a "snow warning" for the northern part - he said "what's up, I thought I was in Florida?" He told his wife who is in Long Island that the temperature was in the low 40s, but she said come back home and complain. Of course, there is another storm hitting NY for Tuesday, when Ed has to go home. I told him that's not bad; stay here, at least it is better than being in a snowstorm. He agreed.

Stay warm and come to Florida - we really don't get snow; they just tease us.

We will always keep you posted.

We had the pleasure of having Ed Asner, the actor at our local community college in Lecanto. Lecanto is getting better known-it is part of Citrus County. Ed Asner portrayed on stage for 100 minutes(non-stop) our President, Franklin D. Roosevelt. What a thrill! Even more amazing is the celebrities that like to come to our small community. They feel so relaxed here. Charlie Daniels and other singing groups love perfoming in our Rock Crusher Canyon-yes it is an outside Canyon where they perform. Some celebrities even have small hideaways here. Remember "Fonzie" of Happy Days? Remember "Roscoe P. Coletrain" of the Dukes of Hazards? Remember "Radar" of Mash? They love hiding out here in Citrus County! Comne see why!!

Hi folks. I can't claim any of the following real estate jokes are mine. But here in the sleepy hollow of Spring Hill Florida on a sleepless night I searched the web for the funniest and yes, the cleanest and kindest of real estate jokes and here is what I found:

My buyer told me that he lived in the same house for 10 years. When I checked, I found out he'd still be there
today if the Governor hadn't pardoned him.

Why do you have your front door leading right into the dining room? So my relatives won't have to waste any
time.

The sellers told me their house was near the water. It was in the basement.

How much are they asking for your rent now? Oh, about twice a day.

I have a temporary mortgage. What do you mean temporary? Until they foreclose.

Realtor sign--We have "lots" to be thankful for.

Realtor: first you folks tell me what you can afford, then we'll have a good laugh and go on from there.

The dream of the older generation was to pay off a mortgage. The dream of today's young families is to get one.

There is no longer a need for the neutron bomb. We already have something that destroys people and leaves buildings intact. It's called a mortgage.

If you think no one cares you're alive, miss a couple of house payments.

My buyers went through debt consolidation. Now they have only one bill they won't pay.

I listed a maintenance free house. In the last 25 years there hasn't been any maintenance.

Did you hear about Robin Hood's house? It has a little John.

My agent was always smiling. I didn't think anybody could have that many teeth without being a barracuda.

If you want to know exactly where the property line is, just watch the neighbor cut the grass.

Houses today don't have enough closet space. Sure they do. They're just called guest bedrooms.

Trivia: The floors of buildings are called stories because early European builders used to paint picture stories on
the sides of their houses. Each floor had a different story.

A lot of homes have been spoiled by inferior desecrators.--Frank Lloyd Wright

I bought a two story house. One story before I bought, and another after.

The house is only 5 minutes from shopping . . .if you've got an airplane.

This country is great. It's the only place where you can borrow money for a downpayment, get a 1st and 2nd
mortgage and call yourself a homeowner.

Home is where the mortgage is.

A housewarming is the final call for those who haven't sent a wedding present

The best part of a real estate bargain is the neighbor.

The house was more covered with mortgages than with paint.

Home: A place when you go there they have to take you in.

Charity: A thing that begins at home and usually stays there.

A man's home is his castle. That's how it seems when he pays taxes on it.

Housebroke--What you are after buying a house.

Sign next to FSBO-We shoot every third agent and the 2nd one just left.

This house has every new convenience except low payments.

The trouble with owning a home is that no matter where you sit, you're looking at something you should be doing.

They have an all electric home. Everything in it is charged.

My buyers want a new home on the outskirts---of their income, that is.

A Happy Home is a place where each spouse entertains the possibility that the other may be right though neither
believes it.

By the time you pay for a home in the suburbs, it isn't.

A Modern home is a place where a switch controls everything but the kids, and it has gadgets to do everything
except make the payments.

The house has a wall to wall carpet and back to wall payment.

A typical home has a TV set that is adjusted better than the kids.

House problem: The oven is self-cleaning, but the kids aren't.

Our new house has one down payment and 240 darn payments.

Homesickness What you feel every month when the mortgage is due.

This just in: Joe Six-Pack, who recently changed his name from Joe Wall Street and was bailed out to the tune of more than a trillion dollars by his Uncle Bill (Sam) has caught the flu and checked himself in to a local hospital under his assumed name of Joe Six-Pack. I have also just received word that he had just given his name and information to the desk-clerk when he passed out and is currently lying on the floor of the emergency room and being totally ignored by the doctors, nurses and patients around him. Excuse me please but I’d better call the hospital.

Well, I called the hospital and informed them of Joe Six-Pack’s real identity and was informed that he was at a public hospital but now that they know WHO he really is they are transferring him to a private-for-profit hospital across town and as soon as I hear something …

I’m on the phone with the private-for-profit hospital where Joe Wall Street, alias Joe Six-Pack was recently transferred and I hope I can find something out; this is the third doctor I’ve talked to:

“Hello, what’s that you can’t say … look … ah, shh … he hung up, ah hello, hello, hello who’s this … who … oh the operator … ah look could you please transfer me to Joe Wall Street’s room? What? Ah, yes he was calling himself Joe Six-Pack see but his real name is … what’s that … oh sure, I understand if his name was Joe Six-Pack he would be across town and … what’s that the last you heard they were transporting him back across town because he identified himself as Joe Six-Pack? Bu’ … but I told you who he really is … what? Well, who can I talk to then? Who? The paramedic in the ambulance has a cell-phone? Well, could you please connect me? Look, this is very important a whole economic system could possibly be on the line here, really, yes, okay…
ah … hello who’s this? You’re the paramedic in the ambulance taking Joe Six-Pack to the Public hospital? But why? I know that but I told them already his name is really Joe Wall Street … yes … that’s right. What? You’re turning the ambulance around to go back to the private-for-profit hospital? but why? What? That’s the system but … oh shh’ … he hung up again.”

“Well, here I am again, on the phone with the private-for-profit hospital and nobody knows anything. Hello, what; who is this? You’re a patient at the hospital say could you do me a favor? Just find out for me what happened to Joe Wall Street okay, he’s a patient there, I think?
Well, it’s been ten minutes and … what, hello, what … he what? Did you say the patient died? But how? What, while he was being transferred to the Public hospital … you mean he died while he was in transit? What do you mean you can only say that the patient just died because that’s how the system works? Ah, she hung up … the patient just died … uh-oh!”

As a former car salesman and with 10 years in the car business; I can understand why the car dealers are like sharks in an ocean full of dead fish right now—they’ve been starving for the past two or three years and are ready to qualify anybody who can sign their name—sort of like the housing boom of 2003, remember that don’t you? Well, in a couple of years down the road, tons of these car-loans are going to go bad and these just may be the very same car loans that stop that person from buying his first house.

The funny thing is that what everyone who is running towards the car dealers to get their cash for their clunkers don’t realize is that they would have gotten the same deal, in some cases more, for their trade-in “clunker” in a normal trading situation anyway. Oh yes, and I guarantee it.

You go in to trade in your clunker, a 1995 Dodge worth maybe a grand, $1500 tops. The used car dealer says he’ll give you a grand for it and you demand your $3500 or $4500. Okay, he says I’ll give you $3500, and you push for $4500; so he gives you $4500. The trade-in’s ACV, actual value, is $1500, so the dealer loses 3 grand right? Wrong; the markup in the 2010 Chevy Impala you’re buying is 4 grand, so they actually make a grand, 2 grand if they give you $3500, plus if the car is less than 90 days on the dealer’s floor-plan they make another dealer incentive called dealer holdback, a set percentage of the sticker price, plus any other incentives the manufacture’s are giving them.

I’m always amazed, no matter how many times these kind of things are repeated, over the years, how quickly and how many people fall for this kind of “publicity.” It’s almost like people are afraid they’ll “miss out” on something their neighbor got, when he drives home a new car and parks it in his driveway.

Hey, ask him how much he’s gonna like his new car the first of the month for the next five or six, some are doing seven years, when his monthly payment comes due? Just sayin’ …

A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job.

The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What do two plus two equal?" The mathematician replies "Four." The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?" The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says "Yes, four, exactly."

Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The accountant says "On average, four - give or take ten percent, but on average, four."

Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says "What do you want it to equal?"

Timothy Geithner/Secretary of the Treasury/Economist
Ben Bernanke/Chairman of the Federal Reserve/Economist

OK well you know by now I missed lunch (truth be told I can really afford to miss allot of lunches ) 1 pm came so quickly and directly followed by a call from the inspector on a pending home informing me of a small problem he found. (what's new) Now the rest of the afternoon has flown by while I make phone calls to the listing agent (leaving voice mails, he is busy too ) until we make contact and get a resolution to the problem. This can lead to the writing of addendum and of course that means chasing down the buyers and the sellers so signatures can be obtained.  Now this does not happen everyday and on the days I am not doing conflict resolution I am updated my BLOG (surprise! ) working on my web site and doing one last check of the MLS for my buyers. How in the world did it get to be 5PM? Is the day over? No way! I will continue until 8 or 9 PM from my home office checking and answering emails(wish I had taken that typing class!) . I do get calls at night and of course  I answer (not all buyers or sellers can call from work during the day.) The record so far is a call at 11:30 PM wanting me to show a home. (In case you are wondering, No I did not show the home then.) When things settle down and the phone is no longer ringing I get to relax and prepare for the next day when it all begins again!

I thought you may be interested in what a day in the life of a realtor is like (at least my life, can't speak for the others.) I start my day around 7 am, a cup of coffee (yesterdays brew, holds me until the fresh pot is ready) and then a computer search of new listings. With multiple buyers each with different tastes and needs my searches are detailed. Next comes the second cup of coffee or should I say mug and and a round of emails, replying to some and sending new to others. A glance at the time tells me I am running late( how can I be late everyday?) I will have to hustle to get to the office by 9:30 so where did 2 hours go? don't know but it takes me that much time everyday. Why go to the office everyday, after all I have a home office. As a professional realtor I network with other Realtors sharing information and learning. Learning about homes that have just been listed, homes where deals have fallen through, any and all information to help my buyers and sellers both current and future. A second round of computer searches follows to see if anything has changed since my last search (my buyers deserve due diligence). A glance at the clock and I see it's almost 1:00! Ok how did that happen? don't know but it does all to frequently (missed lunch again!). Now its time to...........TO BE CONTINUED

When I write my blogs, I make sure that I cover the important issues that are facing us, as Americans, on a daily basis. Today I found some disparaging news... Busch Gardens in Tampa, Florida Hillsborough County, will no longer be giving away free beer samples!

Anheuser-Busch Inbev, formally known as Anheusar-Busch, announced that this 50-year tradition at Busch Gardens will come to a halt on January 25, 2009...and that's not all, SeaWorld in Orlando Florida and the other nine theme parks that are owned by Anheusar-Busch Inbev will soon follow suit!

The history behind the free beer at Busch Gardens dates back to the year of 1959 when Busch Gardens served as a bird garden/waiting room for the A-B Tampa Brewery tours. During that time, Busch Gardens was not charging admission and there was no limit on the free samples of the beer you could indulge in! In 1970, when Busch Gardens began to grow into the theme park that it is today, the samples were limited to two per customer upon a visit to the Hospitality House.

Beer will still be served at the Hospitality House once it re-opens, however the tastes may be changed to more popular beers that are suited to the Inbev style. Beers such as Brizilian Brahma or Belgian Stella Artois may take over the more popular American beers such as Budweiser or Michelob.

We are facing a downward spiraling economy, mortgage crisis, Gaza, War in Iraq, environmental issues, famine and now this!

Sigh, what is this world coming to?